URGENCY

Life is such a complicated mess sometimes. Its filled with constantly making decisions and there’s no going back to try again. Its scary when you let yourself think back at all the choices you’ve made and where they’ve brought you, and all the other options that could have taken you somewhere else. But think back hard enough and you’ll soon realize that there was only one real way to go, and you’ve been on the path you were always supposed to take this entire time. That part is a little exciting. Its like each day is a brush stroke on the canvas, a key stroke on the page, one more note in the song, and that work of art is just waiting to be completed. And to get a moment to look back and relish in the memories, accomplishments, lessons and relationships, you savor it a little more as a reminder of where you’re going and what you’re capable of. And you know you’re capable of so much more… you have to be. This life is all about progression, forward movement. Complacency shouldn’t exist, but if it does, then that’s a more depressing death than what happens at the actual end of life. We fill our lives with so much, either what we think we need or we think we SHOULD need, but it takes the extra effort to complete the self-examination required to figure out what the fuck we really want, which is all that matters. And that exam isn’t some tangible test one can take so you get to know what you’re supposed to be doing. Those things never work. Its something perhaps only learned through trial and error, and not always learned in the first third of your life as society seems to think it should. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I never figure out my purpose until I’m 83 on my death-bed, but I also don’t think that will be too late. I think I’ll just look back and realize I was doing my life’s purpose all along, even if I was never consciously aware of what it was at the time.

It’s so scary to want to be wonderful, to desire greatness and to be truly remarkable. I want to change the world so badly but I don’t know where to begin and consequently start a million different efforts instead of focusing on just one at a time. The indecisive factor plays a role as well… I care passionately about so many things, and I want to make a difference in so many lives, both human, animal and otherwise. I want to explore the stars. I want to see where I came from among the giant Super Novas and the dark matter in between. I want to know what it all means, where it’s all headed and why we’re all here. This is nothing new… people have been wondering the same for millions of years, and it’s ridiculously arrogant to think I’m any closer to that elusive answer than they were. Although, with all the information flying around freely online, it certainly feels like we, as a human race, are discovering and learning things light years faster than anyone ever has in history. And maybe we are? I just don’t understand why more people aren’t actively pursuing this knowledge. I feel I am supposed to tackle something bigger, greater than myself. I don’t want to only affect those around me, I want to affect change in the entire world. I want to reach for other universes too while I’m at it. Is this too much to aspire to? Possibly. But why the fuck aim for someplace where I can see the finish line? That would be too easy. I intend on going until I collapse, to keep on until my body and mind won’t let me anymore. And I’ll happily delude myself to believe that my time here has no end so I can keep trying forever. But I won’t just try. I will, in fact, change shit. The world is not going to be the same by the time I’m done with it and I know it will be for the better. I don’t want to just take up space… I have an agenda for greatness but not for myself… I think everyone is capable of it and I wish everyone went for it. The world would be a fucking amazing place if they did.